I am Dhammarakkhita

Ben in a saffron robe

Suprise suprise. To those who wondered where I disappeared for 2 weeks in December, here's my confession.

I gave up my identity, assumed a new name and lived a life of abstinence for 2 weeks.

Yes, that is indeed Benjamin Lai (and Amy Lai, my sister who paid me a visit).

Shocking to some, but yes, I fulfilled my vow to spend some time in a monastery, a vow which I made when I was 19.

It was a long time coming and I have been putting it off for quite some time because there was just no opening in my life which allowed me to do so. I finally got my chance when I resigned from my job and pretty much had plenty of time in my hand.

I applied and was accepted into the Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara Novitiate Programme and it was indeed something which I should have done much sooner than later.

Why?

Sometime way back when I was 19, I cheated death.

Some might say what transpired is open to interpretation, but whether it is an act of God, destiny, Karma or just pure coincidence, the one thing that I am very thankful for is that no one was hurt.

Back to the story, it was all the annual all night chanting event at the Seck Kia Eenh Temple, Malacca. Back then I was pretty much part of most major events held at the temple and a regular at the weekly Sunday morning puja session.

Life was much more laid back then and much more less complicated but it still could spring surprises.

I was asked to carry the flag for the walk around the temple ground before the chanting session started. It took me by surprise. Although I was a regular at the temple, I was quite anonymous, I do mingle around, but I am not too involved in any material capacity. A sleeping member? Pretty much so, until that faithful day that is.

Everything went well, and I was at the temple until approximately 11 p.m. and then I headed out to meet a few friends for a drink. That went well too, a few drinks, lots of laugh and as with any Malaysian after a late night outing, we decided to get some food.

We left in 3 different cars - myself, a friend of mine and an outstation friend of my friend. Somehow in the calm silence of the night I noticed a "thumb-down" gesture from someone in a car which I recognise as the the one driven by the "outstation friend".

Ego took over, the race is on and from thereon it is winning the race and nothing else mattered. I was bang on leading the "race" and the conclusion was no where soon on the horizon. Halfway through, one of my passenger, one Mr. P, told me to slow down, he felt uneasy and he asked me to let the car I was racing through. Uncharacteristically I took his advice and his uneasiness was proven true.

Right before my eyes, the car I was racing lost control, swerved and avoided an oncoming car, spun three times, smashed head-on into a lamp post, split a roadside barrier into half, sending one half tumbling 10 feet into the storm drain beside it and finally rested above the remaining half of the barrier.

In that short moment, when I realised what I had just caused, still not knowing the fate of the 4 occupants of the other car, I made a pledge to spend some time in a monastery.

I realised that had I not taken Mr. P's advice it would have been me in that crash, not the car I raced.

Thanks for the advice Mr. P.

As I rushed over to the mangled wreck, I could just pray that no one was killed or seriously injured. Guilt would kill me if anything was to happen to them, it was a huge relief to find out that for my stupid actions no one was seriously injured - the occupants in the wrangled car was safe, the only injury was a small cut to the forehead of the front passenger. 4 lives could have been lost and even more if the driver did not swerve and avoided the oncoming car, a moment where life and death was separated by such a fine margin.

A life changing experience

For the first time in my life, I felt calm, I could close my eyes and see nothing, just plain calmness, such the realisation that no life was lost. The same feeling that I felt when I was in the monastery, it felt really good leaving the worldly temptations behind and the pure sense of detachment from the world - knowing that I was doing no evil or contributing to the worse of the world.

It took quite an event to jolt me into realising how precarious life could be and that it all could have been so different on that not so eventful night.

An act of God, destiny, Karma or just pure coincidence...